Every day I wake up
Already on her back
Strapped in the saddle
Feet off the ground,
Hands on reins
along for the ride
She runs to every height and every depth
She moves fast
Nearly throwing me off
She chases danger
Choosing her own terrain
I stay in the saddle
an adventure i can’t say no to
something good is just around the corner
I have to stay on her back long enough
to figure it out
To see where she’s taking me
I know there's a meadow somewhere
I know there's a Weeping Willow we could rest under
She doesn’t seem to find it
She doesn’t even seem to be looking
I grip the reins
But there’s no controlling her
Not really
She's a wild one
Hellbent on her ups, her downs
A road i’m not sure i should be on
But i woke up in her saddle,
so i carry on
I don’t know if she's trying to kill me
or make me feel more alive
My heart beats faster
Palms sweatier
She mesmerizes me
the fear; It’s addicting
Galloping to all edges
Turning sharply
Dirt flying
Rocks falling
Then full speed back into the forest
She has to be tired
But she never stops
The longer i ride,
The harder it is to get off
We never arrive anywhere
There’s no destination
And so it is
That I start remembering
That i have to remember again today
That this happened yesterday
And the day before
And that the only way out is not through
Not with this one
She just runs
from chaos to more chaos
With all of the trauma in her brain
That screams at her to keep moving
To keep going
And never stop
She will never be still
Unless I make her still
There's no reward for the turmoil she puts me through
None
No
My place is on the ground
I close my eyes
I breathe
I gain courage
i tell her to sit down and shut up
I listen to my mouth utter my own words
She doesn’t even seem to hear them
I move bare feet out of leather stirrups
Balancing on her back, looking for anything plush to catch me
Then, I jump
Tumbling down to the ground
To sweet earth that keeps me still
solid ground that holds my own two feet
She’s already off running again
Looking beautiful from far away
Mystical
Enchanted
gazing back at me occasionally
I look, but
I let her go for the day
Free to run with other wild horses
She leaves me here
Unsaddled
Grounded
only after
I do my work in the field,
dream my dreams in the forest,
and write my thoughts down by the stream
does she ever come back as a still creature.
Only then does she ever remember
Who i am
And who she is
And That we have a silent agreement
That i need the ground and that she needs to run wild
without me
As the sun goes down
Under a painted sky
I light my incense
She comes back to the stream
drinks calmly
reflections ripple in the water
I watch her
I say goodnight
As we nod to the unspoken
I’m not sure if she chose me
I’m not sure if I chose her
But one thing is for sure
That tomorrow I’ll wake up
In a saddle
on her back
and have to tame us both all over again